under pressure

Oh please. Don't judge me like this abah. People make mistake right? Its including you abah. You've made your mistake, now let me make my mistake.

What? I can't compare me with you? Really? What am I? Am I not your daughter? For God sake, stop the comparing things between us siblings !

I admit, abg jirul almost be the most wonderful son in the family, ira is making you proud with her academic, iwan is making you proud with his sports, kak wawa is trying to make you proud by completing her diploma, but, wait abah, I can make you proud too. Trust me. Even now I know, I'm the most failure daughter in the family.

I got kick from uitm, my fault. Yes, its my fault. Don't bringing it up again! I'm enough abah. I know I don't deserve a compliment but hey, I deserve a pat on shoulder and you saying "its okey tiera" . But what I git? Being insult by you, by the other siblings. Hey! What am I ? A robot ? Don't have heart ? Following every instruction without face expression? Duhh! I'm a girl with a small heart abah.

Now, thanks to you abah, and my other siblings, I'm totally under a fucking terrible pressure. No one understand me. I hate this !

tired

I was so tired. Being treated like this by my own so called. best friend(s). I thought I've choose a really good friend(s). Turns out, they stabbed me at the back. I don't know what to say anymore. I wish I can turn back time and never met them. So that, I won't be so hurt like this. I don't know if you will read this. I just dont.

What I don't know is, why you behaving like that? I just want you to know, that I never regret having all of you as my friend. Because for once, for omce, all of you is amazing. But now, you just show me, the real you.

Azie, aku tak pernah menyesal kenal dengan kau. Even that means, I have to pay that friendship with tears. And yeah, I know you delete me in fb. I don't mind.

Pacak, aku mengaku aku pernah fall in love dgn kau. Ramai yg tau. You've been nice to me all this time. Never regret knowing you. Knowing you is the almost awesome things ever happen to me. I'm not lying.

Gegurl. I don't know what to say. We used to be a good friend right? Sharing everything.

So, so long friends.

tears.

I'm crying when I write this.

You know the feeling when you like someone, trying to take his heart, in many ways, but he don't realise ? You know ? I know, I'm feeling it right now. This is suck. I hate this feeling. I don't know. This is the first time I feel this way. The feeling is not same when I brokeup with my boyfriend. Totally not same.

This is the first time I like someone so damn much until I put his picture as my wallpaper. I'm not lying bout this feeling. I'm shaking when I see he tweet another woman.

I'm shaking when I knew that he's with her. I'm shaking when I knew he's sad because she broke his heart. I'm totally shaking when he get to her, again. I'm shaking like hell. I wanna bite my lips so hard until it got cut.

I'm crying every single day because he don't realise me. Every single day when I saw his name. Every single day when I saw his picture.

I really hate this feeling. I'm totally hate this. I don't want to die before he know my feeling. I hate this feeling. This is totally suck.

Why I can't be in love with someone who is single and he realise my existence ? Why ? Am I to hard too handle ? Am I too ugly to see ? Am I too fat to make someone like me ? Am I ?

I've promise myself that I won't cry anymore. But I can't. My tears will easily going down when I saw he and she tweeting each other. I don't care about her. Only I want is him. This feeling is suck.

She, on the other hand, pretty, slim, club girl, smoking weed (I guess) , drink (I guess). What ? Is that type of person you want to walk with you in your wedding day ? Am I have to be that type of girl, then someone will realise me ?
I guess I am.

I don't know. This feeling is too hard to handle. I'm still crying right now. Fuck. I hate this.

I don't want to date a film star. I don't want to date a movie director. I don't want to date a singer. I just want to date with someone who will take care of me. Who see me in my worst day with smile. I don't want to date a perfect man. Is enough if that man can take care of me every single day. I saw that in you. Only in you.

But yeah. I can't change the destiny. I can't change what has happen. If we were born to be together, no one can change that destiny right ? I hope we were. Because I've never feel this. Its totally different when I'm with my ex months ago.

So. That's it. I hate this feeling. I hate the tears that run down when I see you with her. I just hate it. I hope someone will be there to wipe this tears. One day. Someone like you.

MR. ME

Whatever happen, I will stay at your side MR. ME . Bad or good, I will always here. I will always. Please know that deep in my heart, only your name exist. Only yours. I love you. Period.

never thought I meet you.

You. Yes, you. I never thought that we'll meet. I never expected to see you in real life. Never.

But, that's my dream. Even you with someone else, I still wanna meet you someday. Yes, someday. Only us.

I wanna tell you, how I've fall in love with your words. How much tears has drop seeing you sad. How much I smile when I see you smiling. And how many tears has wasted since I knew you have someone else.

I want you to know. Yes you. Aint no one else. Please.

see you next time.

Well. I don't know. I really don't. When I see him, I have butterflies in my stomach. And now, I don't. Since you've confess that you have ur own woman, the butterflies is dead. And I've out of the competition. I'm far out of it. Never have any chances. Never. Haha.

So, I guess, I have to wait again. Mr. ME , you're history. If we were meant together, we will see each other again. See you.